Since coming home from the hospital, I’ve been feeling “Not Myself”. It seems like a logical thing though, right? Like I just had my spine cut open and I was on a pretty nice muscle relaxer. I was in a new, weird pain, and I no longer had a pain that I’d gotten used to. And people had been in and out of my house a whole lot when I wasn’t there.
I’m not settling in though. Every night when I go to bed I have to remind myself how it works – how I sleep, where my arms go, where I am, and what’s going on. This has happened before after a hospital stay because I get used to the wake/sleep cycle of blood draws and medications pretty quick.
I usually adapt to sleeping in my own room pretty quick, but this time it’s not working. I get in bed and it feels foreign. Like I’m trying to fall asleep in a hotel room and I’m trying to get comfortable with a bed/blanket/pillow situation that’s not my usual.
Well now my usual feels unusual and so far no matter what configuration I try, it’s never really it.
So I’m wondering if this is a side effect of having the nerves untangled. There’s got to be parts of me that were getting bad reception that are back online now, right? Is the problem that I’m feeling parts of myself that I haven’t felt in a long time? I don’t like it. I’m restless and uncomfortable in a weird way.
I’ve started dreaming differently, too. They’re bad dreams and I’m always aware I’m dreaming but I can’t make them go away, either.
I got my nerves untangled just for my brain to get all muddled up.