• The partner-in-crime: Han and Leia went on to have Jedi kids.
  • Me: Including a set of twins.
  • The partner-in-crime: And Luke went to the dark side.
  • Me: And back again. And either he had kids and one went to the dark side, or one of Leia's kids did.
  • The partner-in-crime: And Chewbacca opened up a newspaper and magazine stand in SoHo!
  • Me: I thought he opened up a big-and-tall menswear shop?
  • The partner-in-crime: You must be thinking of another Chewbacca.

How I Got Two Sodas For $1.25 (A True Story)

I went into the break room to get a soda to have with lunch. Normally I get a Pepsi but today I figured a Coke would be a nice change. It’s a buck twenty-five from the vending machine. I had two dollars.

Miraculously the machine took both bills without complaint.  I pressed the button. A 20-oz bottle of Coke dropped. My change didn’t.  The “Sold Out” button was flashing.  On a whim I pressed the other Coke button.

A 20-oz bottle of Coke dropped.

Seventy-five cents in change dropped.

I went back to my desk, clutching my spoils.

If anyone needs me I will be very sugared-up and highly caffeinated, so look up. I’ll probably be swinging from the ventilation system.

Amazingly True Stories

  • Me: (knitting a sock cuff) How long do you want these socks?
  • The Partner-in-crime: As long as I can have them. Do they expire? Do they get turned over to the homeless at some point?
  • Me: As soon as the words left my mouth I knew I hadn't thought that one through. I saw this coming.
  • The Partner-in-crime: (still going) Will they turn into pumpkins at midnight? Until death us do part!